And I find it kind of funny/I find it kind of sad/The dreams in which I'm dying/Are the best I've ever had...

Song reference: Gary Jules - "Mad World"

Fighting didn't stop after I blogged last night. An argument with Chele made it worse. I had to force down dinner.

My stomach is still twisted in knots, and nobody's talking to me today. I was hoping I could've gone into work today, so I could've faked a smile long enough for me to believe it, you know? If you believe something long enough, it no longer becomes a lie, it becomes a truth.

People can't even begin to imagine how depressed I am. It seems like I have friends here, but everyone here is fake and shallow...even moreso than in high school. The only person that's been close to a real friend here is this guy I met at work named Daniel. He burns me CDs, and we chat about shit. He doesn't work with me, but he works in the mall. I don't hang out with him or anything but hey...I guess it's a start.

And of course, the fighting between Marlena resumes again this morning. I feel like my feelings don't matter. I keep saying the same things over and over again. It doesn't register with anyone. People will still ask me for things, and I will still say yes.

I will ask people for a favor, and they will shut the door on my face.

People ask why I'm so negative these days...especially the people who have known me for several years. You know why? I've seen the good in people. I know that people are capable of doing great, wonderful things for another human being.

It's just too bad that none of those people know me.